Well, 2020 sucked.

Let’s make 2021 better.

How can we get off to the best possible start?

With the cutest kitten calendar possible.

Introducing: Barnacle.

Barnacle is an internet sensation.

Her mistress, Sophie, is an internet sensation.

This calendar costs $20.

You can buy it from the link below.

$20 – 1 calendar, shipped (USA)

$35 – 2 calendars, shipped (USA)

$25 – 1 calendar, shipped (Int’l)

Include mailing address in the “notes” box at checkout. If you don’t, we’ll do our best to track you down via your PayPal account information. (Read: Avoid delays! Please remember to write your address!)

There’s an “any amount” option in the checkout if you want more than two calendars — Additional copies are $15/per.  (…or if you’re feeling like a baller and want to spend $100 on a single calendar, don’t let us stop you. Be sure to leave a note, though, so we can send a thank-you card.)

Want MORE Incentive?

BUY NOW and get a de-luxe, limited-edition, high-res smartphone background of Barnacle the cat hanging on the branch of a lemon tree. She looks like a real derp in the picture and it’s great. Trust us. Some of you die-hard Barney fans would be happy spending $20 on that background on its own, I reckon. Yep. It’s great.

About the calendar:

Nice cover stock, good quality print, handsome metal binding (none of that stapled saddle stitch nonsense here.)

Heads up: There’s a boob in one of the pictures. It’s real tasteful, though.

Oh, and a quote about gay pirates. You can open this one at the Christmas table, but you might have some weird conversations if someone gets close enough to read it.

Where does the money go?

Liberals: We’re out of work circus artists. (Who knew a career in the arts could be so fragile?)

Conservatives: We’re an American-owned small business.

Leftists: We have included, with the kitten, a selection of communistical quotations

Alt Right: No thanks.